Personal finance etiquette for 2019 Your stupid simple guide to talking money

Personal finance etiquette for 2019 Your stupid simple guide to talking moneyPersonal finance etiquette for 2019 Your stupid simple guide to talking moneyMoney and partal finance can be a difficult thing to talk about. Some people are just weird when it comes to money, and some situations require seriously creative thinking when it comes tocold hard cash.On one hand, we want to be helpful and offer genuine assistance when needed, but on the other, we also dont want people to take advantage of us or take your generosity for granted.Whats a gifted frugal machine like yourself do to navigate those dangerous waters? Heres a simplesituational guideto help point you in the right direction with common money situations we tackle in life.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and morePersonal finance etiquette in 2019 A situational guideHere are a few scenariosYou suddenly came into some money (lottery , big job promotion, etc) and a friend or family member has expressed a peculiar new-found interest in your success and hints attheir own need for money.You know, theyve suddenly niedergehen on hard times and just need some temporary help from a kind soul with some extra dough.Kindly offer your advice on how to generatemore incomeor get ahead at work. Sympathies arent what they are looking for, and you know that.But,that doesnt matter. They didnt earn the money. You did (except for playing the lotteryyou didnt earn jack, but you DID choose to actually play). Regardless, be relentlessly positive. Offer support and guidance.But, itsyourmoney and not theirs. The moment you so much as hint at the possibility of loaning them money, youve pretty much committed yourself.And, the requests for money most likely wont stop.Lastly, Id pay special attention to those people who suddenly show their faces after they found out that youve come into some additional cash. Friends do this, but so do fam ily members, and it sucks. If you think they are only cozying up to you for your money, they probably are.Friends and family expect your professional advice/services for free.If you are asoftware developerand a family member needs a website built, they might come to you and ask for your help or in other words,free labor.Doctors, lawyers, general contractors and virtually anyone who has specialized knowledge and experience has probably been solicited for free work.You are under no obligation to provide your services for free, even for family. Though you certainly can if it makes sense, be sure it does not interfere with your ability to make a living.If youd rather not take on free work but dont have the heart to just say no, then consider telling that part that youre swamped at the moment. Too busy. Enough of these types of excuses and they might get the hint.And likewise,YOUshould never expect friends or family to provide expertise that they spent thousands of hours to master (or t housands of dollars to learn) for free. They may offer a friend or family discount, but they are professionals, like you.Treat them like one.That said If someone asks me an IT question, I wont suddenly send them a billjust for talking with me. Im not that anal. If someone wants advice, Ill generally provide it. But, Im done with forking over mountains of work for free.Been there, done that, but I was too busy to buy the t-shirt.A friend asks for a small loan, but they havent yet paid you back for that other small loan.I never consider a loan to be a loan. Never give someone money that youactually need to be returned. Ever. Instead, you may outwardly agree that its a loan, but inside, youre mentally preparing yourself tonever see that money again.If a friend asks you for money when they havent yet paid you back for another loan, kindly remind them of your previous arrangement and that you need to prioritize YOUR financial situation (in your head, that means not loaning more money to someone who probably has no real interest or ability in paying it back).A friend borrows $1,000 from you and starts walking around with a brand new pair of expensive penny loafers.First, refer to the previous situation never loan someone money that you need back. Once money has left your hands for another hand, it could very well be gone forever. In this case, your friend seems to have had the means to come up with that $1,000 on their own with the sudden sporting of expensive footwear. Of course, it could also be a suit, jacket or anything else.In other words, they probably had the money.Take notice of the new pair of shoes and offer an innocent conversation starter Hey, nice shoes When did you plektron those up? Then, start digging a bit deeper Oh, I hope that the $1,000 helped you out. This should get the ball rollin a bit.If your friend doesnt take the hint, consider offering a more pointed query, such as You could always just give me your new pair of shoes instead of paying ba ck the grand. Hah Its funny, but its also really not.Personally, this is about as far as Id take it.Mentally, Id already said goodbye to that grand anyway. But, Id definitely reconsider my friendship with this person if he or she has expressed no real interest in making good on the deal, especially if they arebuying expensive stuffafter asking for money.Someone loves to ask you how much your house/car/boat/whatever costs.Naturally, you are under no obligation to answer these types of questions, and frankly, Id consider them extremely tactless to even ask. But, some people out there lack tact. Lack it big time.If Im ever asked a question about how much something costs and I prefer not to answer, Ill generally give them a polite F-off answer, like Way more than it should have But hey, did you watch the Packer game last week?This accomplishes two things First, it lets the person know that you have no interest in talking about money, and second, it immediately changes the subject to som ething you might have an interest in.Your lunchmate asks you to pick up the check (again) after several previous meals without him or her even reaching for the bill.Id start with, Hey, why dont we split this one? Ive picked up the last couple and its making a dent in our restaurant budget. Unless youre dining with a real tool, that will probably be enough of a hint for that person to toss out a credit card to cover their portion of the bill.If it doesnt, and it seems like the only person whos willing to pay is you, then pay the bill and decline the next lunch invitation (or if youre the one doing the invite, dont invite him or her). Something like, Sorry, I need to start brown-baggin it a little more to save some cash should do it.Or, youre dining with a couple of colleagues and you easily get the least expensive meal, but they want to split the check equally.If its a difference of just a few bucks, I wouldnt worry about it. Pay your share and move on and consider the additional few dollars payment for good company and conversation. However, if you ordered a salad and they ordered prime-cut filets, then the difference is probably significant.Hmm, I think $20 should cover my salad and share of the tip, right? I opt for being a little generous with my offer. Ill cover my meal dollar-for-dollar but will offer a tip amount in the neighborhood of the final bill not just my share.Ive found the extra few bucks goes a long way to avoiding conflict in an otherwisehappy and peaceful settingeven though you dont actually owethat much.We cant just split it evenly? If you get that question in response to your perfectly reasonable offering, thats your queue to sever your lunch relationship with those people. Running up the bill with expensive meals and asking a much more frugal person to pay more than their fair share isnt the mark of true friendship, and I personally avoid engaging with people like that for lunch or otherwise.You like to entertain for friends and family, but you always seem to be the person who pays for food, drink, and entertainment.Try to throw a BYOB/F Bring Your Own Food/Beer anlass instead of offering to supply everything. Or at the very least, establish an understanding that everyone is expected to at least bring something to the party. A side dish. A six-pack of booze. Something.Freeloading time is over. Even if you have to buy something from the store instead of making it, thats fine. Everyone makes a contribution.Another option would be to encourage someone else to take a turn as the host. It is implied that the host will spend a little more on entertainment events because they want people to have a good time at their house. When youre always hosting, you are always signing yourself up to spend a little extra on peoples happiness. Instead, consider rotating homes for the next few dinner parties to help split up the cost.The gifts you give are always worth way more than the gifts you receive.First, look inward and examine y our personality. For some of us, it genuinely makes us happy to spend money on other people, to see the smile on their face and excitement in their eyes, and we are willing to pay extra for a more expensive gift in order to obtain that level of joy both for the other person as well as for us. In this case, it might be okay to spend more.However, that doesnt necessarily mean that consistently spending more money than other people on gifts is always a good thing. If you feel resentful that people arent matching your level of investment in gifts, simply change your investment. If they are used to getting gifts of a certain quality from you, tell them that youre trying to watch your finances a bit more and need to save a little bit more money (or spend less). Match their investment instead.Orif your group of friends tends to spend hundreds of dollars on gifts, but youre only able to spend a fraction of that, be honest and upfront. Its easier to set and manage expectations from the very beginning than awkwardly explain why you gave someone hand-made mittens when they got you a $500 handbag.Is it ever a good idea to offer someone a loan during a rough patch?Sure I am not against helping someone out with a little cash when they need it. But, the larger concern is making sure the request is coming from an honest and trustworthy person.If they have a history of not following through with their agreements or are flakey people, thats an indication youll never see that money again. You should never feel bad about looking out for your own financial well-being first. If you dont, no one else will either. Its okay to be selfish.Like Ive said several times before, I consider all loan moneygone as if it were a gift. If it get it back, then cool. Otherwise, Ill chalk that up to a good deed and move on with my life, likely without the involvement of the person who preferred not to uphold their end of the deal.This article originally appeared on ThinkSaveRetire.You might also en joyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people